Im being a sook, this is my vent, probably not one to read, but one i needed to get off my chest. PS I LOVE YOU ALL.

Ive never felt pain like this before.. Its now been two and a half days and im yet to sleep. Havent eaten in three days. Every time im alone i just cry and cry and cry, im not one to ask for sympathy, so everyone who asks is getting a very false facade from me - IM FINE!
Ive been through almost a whole box of tissues.. My head is throbbing and my eyes are half shut, yet wont let me fall asleep.

I went out last night and had a great time, took some pills which made me beautifully numb. I just dont want to feel anything if its going to feel this bad.
I got home at 3am and have pretty much been in bed ever since, its now 9pm.. Still no sleep.

I have never gone more than a day without seeing him, and im missing him so much. I have such a horrible gut wrenching feeling, and i cant suppress it.

I know whats best for me and i need to quit him cold turkey, but its so fucking hard! Im contemplating going over there just so i can get some shut-eye, because i have grown accustomed to sleeping by his side, i literally cannot sleep if hes not..

I love you all so very much for all your kind words and support, it really, really means so much to me.. But i need advice too! How do i get through this!? I have never been through a break up before! Its killing me..

I hate being alone.. Its so boring.. All i can do is think.. I was literally having a minor internal panic attack when it came to home time last night.. I knew that as soon as i got here id just cry.. and yeah, guess who was right and whos been crying ever since.

Im down to 46kilos.. yay..

Maybe he would have tried harder to keep me if i was prettier? If i was thinner?
I dont understand why he didnt try.. Not one bit..
I deserve so much so so so much better than what he has to offer..
But he's all i want right now. God damn it.
I havent even heard from him in three days.. Ive never gone a day without talking to him..
I dont know how to finish any of these sentences, sorry. Just blurting out whatever thought is going through at any particular time.

What else is fucked up, as soon as people hear im single i started getting hit on. What the fuck, ease up turbos! Its ridiculous. Guys who i havent talked to in forever are all of a sudden making a rather large effort to speak to me. That makes me feel like shit. No one is actually interested in your personality, just marital status, half these people dont even know who i am anymore, but as soon as im single they try to be my best friend.

I do have some absolutely amazing friends though, they're always there for me when i need them. No matter what. There are so many people in my life whom I cherish so dearly, words wouldnt be able to explain how much they mean to me.
And this blog is part of that. You all always have such kind words to say, i appreciate it so much.

My insomniac past few nights have been rather productive.. My room is entirely spotless, I de-Joey'd my room.. So so many photos, balloons, flowers, teddies, presents. If it hurts to have it around, I stored it. Out of sight, out of mind.

Im falling apart, Im a fucking mess.


Ok, this will get me just repeating myself eventually.. Ive already started to a fair bit.. Needed a vent though, and i feel much better for it.

Now, how the fuck can i get to sleep!?
xx