Long time, no see!

I absolutely adore him and I cant get him out of my head.
He is trying to push me away, his main reason he doesn't want to get close to me is because he goes away to europe very, very soon.
If thats not enough to hear he went on to tell me that he's not over his ex. Although, he still tries to see me every single day. Its fucking with my head.
Id rather he'd just leave because then i physically couldnt be with him. But being told basically that im not good enough to have him even though hes still here hurts beyond measure. Im not good enough. Shes not even in the picture any more and hasnt been for almost two years apparently. But hes still hung up on her. Im quite simply not good enough.
He can even quite bluntly say he hates her. But refuses to touch me because he still has feelings for her.
Why though does he still try to keep me around all the time?
I know i shouldnt give in. I should say NO, I do NOT want to see you after hearing that. But i cant help myself. We dont talk about feelings unless we're drunk. We're just friends with beneits.. But the benefits part has dropped off.
I feel like an idiot constantly going to see him. Im so content when im with him though. Its just as soon as i leave, i feel empty. Alone. I want to cry a lot, and thats not like me.
We have so many plans coming up that if i try to break off whatever we do/dont have going at the moment that it means ill be the one to miss out on these plans.. I dont want to miss out. I just want what my life was like a few weeks ago back. I was happy, I didnt know about his 'feelings' and things were great between us.
According to him, he still wants exactly that, just minus the sex.
I do not see how that is fair on me.

Stupid girly rant bullshit over. Promise. Im just a little bit fucked up from all of this.

Its been so long since i posted, i didnt even realise. I kind of only turn to my blog when im being a complete mess and need to write out my life and put the pieces back together.. Make things better.
Plus you all always have helpful opinions, and often grammar corrections. Haha.

I dont eat much lately but i also dont exercise, so im slowly gaining weight. Started duramine again today. Makes me not be able to sleep and also makes me ridiculously sad. But it will be worth it when I have no cellulite and a flat stomach.

Ive still been living it up over the festival season. I have soundwave a punk/rock/metal festival this sunday and possibly a dance party cruise on the saturday. Throw in a bit of the casino and kings cross for the night time and i have one great big weekend ahead! Must think skinny. Must look skinny. Must be skinny.

Tomorrow. I promise not to eat. I also half promise that i might exercise.. Maybe.

The skinnier I get, the prettier I get.